My liver just broke up with me...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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