I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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