Umm I'm too high to move.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
