The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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