How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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