Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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