wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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