My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
