i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
