I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
