i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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