i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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