Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize