1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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