AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
