Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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