How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
