no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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