Taylor Swift is so right about you.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
