hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
