I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize