I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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