Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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