Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
