I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
