i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
