The maid of honor just puked.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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