Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
