I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
