I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
