Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's shark week go big or go home
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
