If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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