if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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