Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
