party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Enjoy the penises
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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