I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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