I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
