Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
