Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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