If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
