I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
