Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
