I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
