my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
