I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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