Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
