Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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