Where is the hickey?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
