I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
