she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
