his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize