I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
