I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
