so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
