literally had 100 drinks last night.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize