Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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