They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
