Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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