The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
they're like a gay fantastic four
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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