Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
