She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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