it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
