You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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