I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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