haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
