Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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