tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize