they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
