he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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