new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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